Welcome Home
Written
By
Christian S. Passen
Yes I’m aware this is not my home. I apologize for intruding, I pray that you’ll forgive me if you can find it within your heart. Who am I to think I have the right to take a step into your house? Home is where the heart is, so does that make me heartless? Why not, after all, i’m without a home? Okay you’re right, technically yes, I do have a home, but can you honestly call it a home, I mean really? How could you, the air feels cold and unwelcoming, I feel like i’m being watched within my own walls, there’s no safe haven, no sanctuary! These walls speak to me, and repeat my own words back to me. My mind is now racing, “I cannot even own my own thoughts without having them be owned by the people around me, What the fuck is that about?” Is this some kind of auction? Thoughts for sale for only the cost of my trust in you being broken, my sanity being tested, and my pathetic life being invaded, going once, going twice sold to the society that puts me down for not conforming to their expected image. Fuck them! They created me by destroying me and all I once stood for. I literally lost everything, who I was, who I tried to be, and who I thought I could be. My views are now corrupted and twisted thanks to…Can I blame my home? I suppose not, it’s not my home, my home is within greater walls, beyond this mere pile of bricks. Do I know where, not yet, but I plan to find out. What ever it takes, whatever the cost, I shall search night and day, until my “Home” is found. Sometimes where we go to escape the world is considered a home, but where do I escape? Within this piece of paper, can I can this my home? True, it is my escape, but can I call it my “Home” not exactly. I remain lost in my search, what am I looking for again? Yes, I realize that I said a home, but perhaps my search roots deeper than such a surface level place. Am I possibly just in search for acceptane? Do I need, not so much a home, but a place where I can walk away from without having the fear of returning? No matter how long I am gone, or how far I go, when I return i’ll still know that I can come back without fear, and I will be welcomed back with open arms and I shall be embraced by the feelings of warmth and acceptance. Perhaps that is what I long for? When you think about it, what more could you ask for?
12:05am
5/30/09
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