What am I without you? What am I with you?

Without you, I’m in doubt. Alone and betrayed. Deceived and part of it’s game. And forever dammed in it’s Hellish land. We are like sand. A small mineral. But when I’m with you, I’m a sand castle. Strong and mighty. And an untouchable soul. Forever living, forever with you. What did I do to deserve you? We do so much wrong, yet you still pick us up. When we fall, you pick us up and brush us off. Dying for what? A lying, stealing creature? No. You die to be with us. To trust us. To love us. So what am I with you? I’m a spirit of God.

Eternal

Discarded and alone. With no one to hold. Where must we go? We are told to behold the truth, and break through the fog of lies. At the cost of eternal life. Open up inside, deep inside, within your core, and you’ll find the truth inside. We are all one. No matter what others say, some will go their own way. But for the ones that don’t, a prize greater then any other, a prize of eternal life. There are two paths. Which path will you take? That will decide your fate. You must take His hand, and He will lead you to the promised land. You must trust Him, for He is great, and will make you straight. There are two paths. You must choose. Choose before it’s to late.

.

.Destiny

In desperate times like these, all we have are bitter memories. Holding on to what can’t be seen, this is destiny.

We will be neglected and deceived, but only the free will see. This is Destiny. People will try to lie, but you must see, this is destiny.

People will try to lie, but you must bind yourself to Him. Search your mind and you’ll find inside we are eternal. This is destiny.

If we can’t break the hating, how can we survive? If we can’t break the silence, how can we survive?

We must stay close, we must be the light in this dark world. This is destiny.

.

The End

Do not fear, for I am here. You must bare with the world. It won’t be fair. Times will be rough, but you must remain tough. In the end it will just be a memory. And just to begin. It will be hard to comprehend what you are in but stay loyal and trusting, and in the end you will be free. Free to do what you please. Once it’s finished, and the knees are bowed, there will be no hating. There will be no debating. It will be calm and at peace. This is a test. You must rest in me. And then your free. But thou must contest the lies and deceiving for the time being.

.

.

Technorati Tags: bitter memories, desperate times, destiny, doubt, eternal life, fate, fog, game, god eternal, hellish, sand castle, search your mind, silence, spirit of god, stealing, truth, two paths

I turn my head from all this hate
That the world seems to have made fate
For me to endure
Never knowing what’s in store
As for my tomorrow
All I know is it will be sorrow

If I turn on the news
I know I’ll get the blues
And I’m sure that when I drive to a friend’s
There’s a shooting round the bend

Seems like I should just stay in my house
But then I’m going to hear my neighbor beating his spouse
Nowhere can I escape
From this assault, possession and rape

Cause when you’re from the same streets as me
It’s like all you can see
Is this everlasting pain
That deteriorates my brain

All that pain has become a cloud
It has created a shroud
Over my dissolution of right and wrong
But on my streets that makes you strong

As a person this cloud makes me weaker,
It makes my soul bleaker

With every gunshot
Every time I sell pot
Even when I sing my song
I can only long
For times long, long ago
Back when consciousness would flow
Down these red, red veins
From when mercy seemed immovable in my brain

Now even in my dreams
I see gats gleam
I see people dead
My glock pressed to some black man’s head

And this dream makes me want what I know isn’t right
It makes me choose the darkness over the light
Now I’m selling weed and committing other crimes
It seems like my life has no reason or rhyme

I find myself lost
Finally realizing the cost
That these crimes have taken upon me
I realize that I am not free
I see that I have left behind
My once glorious righteous mind

A great man once said
If you emancipate your head
You will be free
That to me
Sounds like the way to be

So I’m going to strive
To survive
This inevitably hard, hard life
And I’m going to search within this strife
For my own liberation
From this desperate situation

Technorati Tags: black man, consciousness, crimes, darkness, desperate situation, dissolution, fate, glock, great man, gunshot, left behind, liberation, neighbor, possession, rape, red veins, shroud, sorrow, strife, weed

I turn my head from all this hate
That the world seems to have made fate
For me to endure
Never knowing what’s in store
As for my tomorrow
All I know is it will be sorrow

If I turn on the news
I know I’ll get the blues
And I’m sure that when I drive to a friend’s
There’s a shooting round the bend

Seems like I should just stay in my house
But then I’m going to hear my neighbor beating his spouse
Nowhere can I escape
From this assault, possession and rape

Cause when you’re from the same streets as me
It’s like all you can see
Is this everlasting pain
That deteriorates my brain

All that pain has become a cloud
It has created a shroud
Over my dissolution of right and wrong
But on my streets that makes you strong

As a person this cloud makes me weaker,
It makes my soul bleaker

With every gunshot
Every time I sell pot
Even when I sing my song
I can only long
For times long, long ago
Back when consciousness would flow
Down these red, red veins
From when mercy seemed immovable in my brain

Now even in my dreams
I see gats gleam
I see people dead
My glock pressed to some black man’s head

And this dream makes me want what I know isn’t right
It makes me choose the darkness over the light
Now I’m selling weed and committing other crimes
It seems like my life has no reason or rhyme

I find myself lost
Finally realizing the cost
That these crimes have taken upon me
I realize that I am not free
I see that I have left behind
My once glorious righteous mind

A great man once said
If you emancipate your head
You will be free
That to me
Sounds like the way to be

So I’m going to strive
To survive
This inevitably hard, hard life
And I’m going to search within this strife
For my own liberation
From this desperate situation

Technorati Tags: black man, consciousness, crimes, darkness, desperate situation, dissolution, fate, glock, great man, gunshot, left behind, liberation, neighbor, possession, rape, red veins, shroud, sorrow, strife, weed

I turn my head from all this hate
That the world seems to have made fate
For me to endure
Never knowing what’s in store
As for my tomorrow
All I know is it will be sorrow

If I turn on the news
I know I’ll get the blues
And I’m sure that when I drive to a friend’s
There’s a shooting round the bend

Seems like I should just stay in my house
But then I’m going to hear my neighbor beating his spouse
Nowhere can I escape
From this assault, possession and rape

Cause when you’re from the same streets as me
It’s like all you can see
Is this everlasting pain
That deteriorates my brain

All that pain has become a cloud
It has created a shroud
Over my dissolution of right and wrong
But on my streets that makes you strong

As a person this cloud makes me weaker,
It makes my soul bleaker

With every gunshot
Every time I sell pot
Even when I sing my song
I can only long
For times long, long ago
Back when consciousness would flow
Down these red, red veins
From when mercy seemed immovable in my brain

Now even in my dreams
I see gats gleam
I see people dead
My glock pressed to some black man’s head

And this dream makes me want what I know isn’t right
It makes me choose the darkness over the light
Now I’m selling weed and committing other crimes
It seems like my life has no reason or rhyme

I find myself lost
Finally realizing the cost
That these crimes have taken upon me
I realize that I am not free
I see that I have left behind
My once glorious righteous mind

A great man once said
If you emancipate your head
You will be free
That to me
Sounds like the way to be

So I’m going to strive
To survive
This inevitably hard, hard life
And I’m going to search within this strife
For my own liberation
From this desperate situation

Technorati Tags: black man, consciousness, crimes, darkness, desperate situation, dissolution, fate, glock, great man, gunshot, left behind, liberation, neighbor, possession, rape, red veins, shroud, sorrow, strife, weed

So this past September, i lost my job. i worked at a retail dollar store and after months of drag-on work i got tired of it and it started to show. At first, i came to work early everyday. when i started comming late more often, my boss insisted that i get my shit straight and be prompt on my arrivals. So i tightened up a little bit but not for too long; unfortunately i got more lazy and at the time i just moved in with my girlfriend who live miles across town. with the money i had made i beleived as long as got up early enough, i would make it to work on time by taking the bus. on some days my girlfriend would allow me to use her car and on others i would take the bus. I became more lazy than before, plus i began to lose the will to work at the dollar store. mornings on in i would wake up and drag my feet all because i didnt want to go to work but one day that caught up to me. i woke up, left late, clocked in late; and through the middle of the shift the boss called me to his office. Now at the time i had just enrolled in school and the boss had made arrangements to fit my schedule so he felt there was no excuse that i could not get in on time, and i agreed, ashamed and very excepting of what my fate held. i was terminated deemed re-hirable in one year.

in this time of my life i still make decisions that effect others around me. and i called myself trying to do better and it even took my girlfriend to get on my back bout finding a job. i was discouraged and still lazy. i feel i can do better while looking for a job but one thing that grinds my gears is the "work history." for some reason i constantly fill in my dollar store position and i never fail to list how ive been terminated. i honestly dont know if something like that will prevent me from getting a job but my girlfreind belives it very much so will. im starting to cost people money because of my decisions. Today, i am tenacious about finding a job/career and i have been taking steps to make myself look exceptionally qualified on my resume. Despite my efforts, she is getting the backlash day in and day out for my choices. Situatuins when i need some sort of money, interviews and job searched that call for the use of her car because i dont have money for the bus. My past boss sat down with me and told me if i ever wanted anything in life that i would have to go hard for it. my motivaton was not present at all and my priorities were scrambled and pulverized. i was horrible with my money and was afraid to taste real responsibility. i would of never known that that was a complicating form of selfishness. i learned a lesson that day and for some reason, i felt that if i werent terminated, i never would have. being the person that i am i try my hardest to learn from my mistakes even if i make them over and over.

i am at my most pitifull state in life and im turning 21 this tuesday. it is trully a shame that i need my mother because i screwed myself in my first time in college. it is a shame that i would need my girlfriend for everything else i may need; such as food, shelter and transportation. im trying to make to smartest decisions in life and i cant now because of the ones i made this past September. my gf is already stressed enough and i feel horrible to know i am killing our relationship because of what i did. she always told me not to fill in the work history mentioning my termination. and everytime i do it anyways. i told her i want to be honest to any possible employer and that irritates her to no end. she is currently balancing life, school and her one year old son. i feel awfull. and at the same time i believe i will be employed soon. she strongly encourages me to not fill in that employment history and instead list the busser work i did in a resyuraunt for 2 months in 2008. this situation is terribly stressfull, and more on her part aparently because she footing the bill if i need to be some where. there are many other thing included but its not nessassary to list them, just assume. the frustration is overwhelming. she has given me a date at which i should have a job or else, pack up and leave, shamed and with zero dignity, back to my mothers.

id like to believe i am a good person. i feel wrong sometime when i try to do things right. i feel im not as mature as i feel i SHOULD be and that is frustrating to no end. i feel like im trapped. i could even recieve financial aid for my classes, i cant drop my classes and i owe over 14 hundred bones. im jobless relying on my girlfriend and my last bit of self-respect. as a kis i never did much right. i still remember my first toddler day dream– im the same till this day. i wish i was normal. this is too heavy for me. my mother told me i had the world: no felonies, no kids, im young and healthy. when it finally hit me it took someone else to realise that i, myself was depressed. leaving my girlfriend would break my heart, she motivated me to want to even go to school. moving back with my mothe

Technorati Tags: boss, decisions, dollar store, drag on, excuse, fate, finding a job, gears, getting a job, girlfreind, girlfriend, little bit, looking for a job, money, one thing, taking steps, time of my life, work history